“My spouse just doesn’t listen to what I have to say!  They don’t hear me!”

This phrase coming from a man means that he feels either that his spouse has tuned him out, or she is not understanding what he is trying to communicate.  For a woman, it usually means that either he’s being Mr Fix It, or he isn’t understanding the emotion behind what she is saying.  Men tend to be more direct in their communication, while women often analyze what was said, how it was said, what the person meant by it, and the body language.  Guys usually don’t pick up on these nuances.  And that is just the beginning of how husbands and wives have a break down in effective communication.

A failure to effectively communicate occurs when we fail to actively listen, and to seek to understand what the other person is saying.  Men get frustrated because it seems like she’s going to talk forever.  Women get frustrated because it seems like he doesn’t want to share.  The result becomes two people not talking, because, what’s the use?  The other person doesn’t understand or listen anyway!  This eventually equates into, “They just don’t care/love me.”

In our upcoming issue, Helen Murray discusses how to communicate effectively in her article, “The Marriage Whisperer”.  Here is just a snippet of her words of wisdom:

“The amazement of body-language is a life-long learning experience in that most wonderful of all intimacies – marriage.  This is why marriage long-term is so much more wonderful than short-term relationships.  You never get to the real depth in a short-term relationship.  You always find surprises in a spouse with whom you spend a lifetime.  You need a life-time attention span to body language to really understand that sweetheart.  And that is a lifetime of fascination!  Not to mention experiencing life through that ‘other’ perspective.”

That is just one of five sections on effective communication that Helen discusses with couples.

If your desire is greater intimacy, understanding, and effective communication, then “The Marriage Whisperer” will prove to be a valuable asset in your marriage.  This article and more can be found in our March issue coming out on February 26, 2018.

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