Rejection is a normal part of life. When does it cross into an unhealthy aspect?
We all face rejection in many forms throughout our lifetime. It is how we deal with that rejection or perceived rejection that determines our future outcome. If we are secure in who we are, then rejection becomes either a teaching opportunity, time of reflection, or a dismissal. For those of us affected by it, it can fester into a very deep wound.
Harmful or healthy?
Rejection is never pleasant to go through… especially. when you want to fit in, or want others to like you. Being an “outsider” is a very lonely place to be, and can be quite frustrating when you keep asking yourself why others don’t seem to include you.
For those that are grounded in who they are in Christ, they have accepted who they are. They are comfortable with themselves in character, appearance, and their flaws. They know that people should appreciate them for who they are, and they can accept that not everyone will.
People will dislike you for many reasons. It can be for your religion, your color, your race, your dress, your attitude, your perceived attitude, because you remind them of someone they don’t like, or because “there is just something about you that rubs them the wrong way.”
If you are secure, this doesn’t bother you. If someone says something nasty, you either reflect one it (for the purpose of self-examination, not condemnation), learn from it or move on. Rejection only becomes harmful if you internalize what is being said. Then it is not a point for growth but becomes destruction.
Rejection’s Destructive force
Rejection and its effects can manifest in our attitude. The most extreme form of it is anger or rage. The usual manifestation is in how we deal with others. Those that fear rejection will either seek to please others at their own expense or distance themselves from any/all types of intimacy.
These people tend to get close to someone, and then withdraw. Some will generate senseless fights with the rationale that they aren’t good enough, and the other person is going to leave anyway. Yet they refuse to see that their negative thoughts cause a negative behavioral pattern, and thus a self-fulfilling prophesy.
James George will outline how fear of rejection manifests in a marriage, and how to identify it. Is it prevalent in your marriage? If so, James will teach you how to overcome it, heal from old wounds, and to restore intimacy.
This feature and more will be in our next issue of Faith Filled Family Magazine coming out on December 28th, 2019.