God created sex for couples to enjoy within the confines of marriage. There are many levels to the enjoyment of sex, and a degree of satisfaction resides in each level. However, if we don’t go deeper in our relationship with our spouse and generate a deeper sense of intimacy, our sex life may flatline or fizzle out all together.
To understand this phenomenon in greater detail, we should first discuss the seasons that exist within a marriage.
The Seasons of Sex:
The first season begins after the honeymoon, when the marriage is consummated. The union itself should be one of uniting both physically, sexually, and emotionally to each other. However, in many cases, the act is more on a sexual level as the couple has yet to know each other more intimately as husband and wife. While intercourse is pleasurable and pleasing, things cannot remain on this level.
The relationship cannot survive on “I find you physically and sexually attractive”. If it is built on this foundation, it won’t last because the foundation is weak. Realistically, life happens. Bodies change as we age, and children begin to enter into the picture. Other obligations can creep into the marriage such as work, children’s activities, and family. Suddenly, physical attraction is not enough when emotional needs aren’t being met. This is when character begins to have more importance.
As couples move out of the honeymoon phase and begin to settle into married life, you notice a shift. As mentioned, couples are less driven by the physical aspect and the strength of the marriage becomes the primary focus. This is why a relationship built on physical lust cannot last. Physical intimacy without something greater is superficial. The relationship will not deepen. You will not grow closer as a couple, and most times things just fizzle.
If left unchecked, pornography addictions can creep in, as well as emotional affairs.
Character, communication, and openness become more central to intimacy at this stage. Couples who communicated honestly and openly have greater intimacy because they are connecting at an emotional level. This connection is necessary for a successful marriage. If you can’t talk to your spouse, or if they aren’t actively listening, the connection between the two of you will dissipate. Then the marriage is in danger of having needs met elsewhere as the other person becomes vulnerable or lonely.
Sylvia Dallas goes deeper into this subject. Great sex isn’t defined as much by the physical act of pleasure as much as it is connecting on a deeper level. Romance is key, but communication will sustain the relationship- that’s why it’s often referred to as “the couple’s aphrodisiac”- especially for your wife.
Sylvia discusses why sex can sometimes be a source of anger/frustration for some couples, and a lack of sex can be symptomatic of a greater issue. The greater issue doesn’t have to be something as devastating as an affair, but may be as simple as a lack of good communication.
She walks couples through how to communicate what is at the heart of the issue without your spouse taking offence, and engaging in an open, honest dialogue. Sylvia teaches you how to approach this topic with sensitivity, and how to navigate through the emotions that may ensue.