Talking About Sex and Love… In Marriage

“Sex and love are the dirty little secrets no one talks about… but we desperately need to.”

Why is sex such a taboo subject in Christian circles? In the confines of marriage, sex is a beautiful thing.

Intimacy bonds couples in an indescribable way. Sex is how couples connect on a deeper level. There is nothing “dirty” about that!

So why do we associate it with something that is best not discussed?

Is it Because We Are Afraid?

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Making love is a vulnerable thing between a married couple. It involves trust, honesty, and openness. Sex isn’t easily discussed because of the stigma attached to many things that accompany the topic. 

In youth, we don’t want to give them ideas (they are too young). As unmarried adults, we want to keep them pure. Married adults however… What is our excuse?

God ordained making love between Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. He is the author of lovemaking. As the author of something this intimate, do you think that He designed it to be “dirty”? No, He designed it to be beautiful.

Sex is dirty when lust becomes involved. It is the voice of the Holy Spirit telling us what we are doing is morally wrong. The Holy Spirit is convicting us of the sin (lust) and telling us that this is not good. 

It is Out of God’s Design

Sex is created for couples to share within the confines of marriage. There are multiple reasons for waiting until marriage. The best one (since many are easily refuted) is that you do not want any soul ties.

A soul tie exists when we have sexual relations with another person. Due to the fact that sex is such an intimate, vulnerable act, we bond with the other person on a deep level. That intimate bond that was designed as something special in marriage has formed between two unmarried individuals. So, what happens when you break up?

“We will never break up!”

How many of us have uttered those words? Yet it happens. Every time you have sex, a piece of you and a piece of the other person meshes. You carry that piece of another person with you. You share that bond. It has become a soul tie. That is, until you decide to break it.

With repeated sexual encounters, our soul tends to harden to making love. After a while, it can lose that special feeling and becomes something that is physically pleasurable. It loses its depth and connection. It becomes meaningless.

Sex and Love Regarding Married Couples…

Why don’t we talk about intimacy with each other? Most couples would say that it’s embarrassing. They find it humiliating to discuss what they find pleasurable to their spouse. 

Some come into marriage with the mindset that sex is dirty. Things such as pornography and lust are constantly being drilled into our heads as lustful. They are things to be avoided. While single, we focus on purity. Maybe this is where the mindset comes from.

However, when we marry and making love becomes acceptable, we still refrain from sharing with our partner. There is nothing lustful or dirty about it. It is beautiful. Yet we never really talk about it. In fact, we mostly shy away from the topic.

Most married couples avoid discussing how to pleasure each other in a mutually satisfying manner. They never discuss what they like… and what they don’t like. 

If there are Issues…

Well, we really don’t talk about those! We either sweep them under the rug, or try to solve them ourselves. We don’t always actively try to include our spouses in what is going on with us sexually or why we may be avoiding intimacy.

He is always horny, and she perpetually has a headache. Yet he knows the code word for ‘I don’t want you to touch me’ is headache. She also knows that if you are feeling amorous you will either hint very obviously about it, or grope. Neither of which is a real turn on for a woman.

He doesn’t understand that she’s tired from the day’s events, and she doesn’t understand why he always wants to be intimate. It is a complete disconnection. It could easily be mutually resolved with communication, though.

Changes… So Many Changes…

In marriage, there are more significant challenges than your spouse not wanting to make love. The mere process of aging changes our bodies and our sex drives. Having children is another factor that changes our sexual appetite, as does an empty nest.

However, nothing is resolved in the absence of a conversation. If we never discuss what is going on with our spouse, how can we expect to grow closer together? They say the best gauge in marital satisfaction is how many times the couple is intimate.

This is not to mean that if you don’t do it like rabbits there is something wrong with your marriage. Desire waxes and wanes through each season of life. What is normal for one couple may not be the norm for others.

The aphrodisiac for marriage is… communication. Talking stimulates intimacy because couples want to understand their mate better. There is a desire to draw closer and to get to the heart of the matter. This is what draws them into that sexual bond.

As stated above, intimacy involves being vulnerable. This isn’t something that we necessarily want to perpetually do. We often fear being vulnerable because it means that we can be easily hurt or offended. Without vulnerability, we are unable to create trust. If the marriage is void of these attributes, intimacy tends to suffer.

Our July 2021 issue is all about sex within the confines of marriage. We will discuss common issues that many couples face and how to overcome them. These tips will draw you closer together and will create a more open, honest environment.

Our next issue comes out on June 26, 2021!

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