In a marriage that is falling apart, no one ever examines the foundation upon which it was built
No, we are too busy feeling sorry for ourselves, being angry, and assigning blame. At some point, we may take a self-inventory, but anger and bitterness helps us either justify things, or numbs the pain.
What foundation was your marriage built upon?
Most of our relationships today begin on a superficial level. There are sparks which we equate to love/romance/compatibility. We love the highs of being in love, and the newness of the relationship.
But that doesn’t last forever, nor was it meant to.
Physical attraction, to be truthful, fizzles out. It’s not a “getting older” type deal, having a baby deal, or putting on a few extra pounds thing. Every relationship will reach a point wherein physical/surface attraction is not enough. At the core, we want something deeper, but the truth is that we don’t want to develop that sustainable intimacy that carries a marriage 50+ years (and will lasting sparks to boot!)
If someone doesn’t know you… really know you… a craving for a more meaningful connection will develop. Challenges will arise, and you will want to talk to your spouse about them. That’s normal. But if you feel like they don’t “get” you, or they aren’t there for you, life can be pretty lonely not to mention frustrating.
You will want that need for a deeper connection, but if none exists, you will find yourself deeply unsatisfied in the relationship. Frustrated that needs are being met (and for the most part, usually not communicated), eyes tend to wander, actions follow, and calamity within the marriage ensues.
Chris Benton discusses how to build a firm marital foundation that is built on mutual understanding, respect, communication, and intimacy. He discusses in depth why physical attraction, hanging out, and merely enjoying each other’s company aren’t enough by themselves to sustain a marriage.
He will also discuss common traps people fall into, and how to cultivate a lasting marriage in the dating phase.
These words of wisdom and more can be found in our next issue coming out on August 27, 2019!