Sometimes, due to our past experiences, we put others at a distance…
We don’t mean to do it, and often we simply aren’t aware of our actions. Past experiences whether they are rooted in childhood or as an adult can affect our perceptions. Once our perceptions of others are tainted, our relationships quickly follow suit. So how can we recognize when there is an existing issue?
Many behaviors that we engage in can inadvertently sabotage our relationships with others. We don’t mean to push away our spouse, family, friends or children. Yet we find ourselves engaging in behaviors that make others upset or unhappy. We feel unfulfilled in life- as if something is missing- and can’t quite pinpoint it. We want to be closer to the people around us, but something inside is preventing that possibility.
For those that have internal struggles, they seek to be close to others, but as soon as others draw near, or exhibit a certain “trigger” things seem to go astray or they pull away. For some people, they fear intimacy or commitment.
Perhaps an event from their past is still affecting them in the present. For example, a parent who habitually walked out on their spouse can leave a scar on the child who witnessed it. The child may experience feelings of anxiety wondering if the parent will return or is gone for good. The uncertainty of the situation develops feelings of fear of abandonment in the child. Some children in this situation become scared or clingy, while others may become detached to preserve themselves emotionally.
Fast forward to adulthood, the adult has developed coping skills. Some will overcome the situation and resolve it. Their relationships may be healthy. Others may have issues with trust, fear of abandonment, fear of commitment, or repeat the same behaviors themselves. Many push others away when they get too close because they fear the pain of rejection.
After all, their parent didn’t want to stick around. Why would you? Sometimes, due to sabotage, this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Additionally, toxic or dysfunctional relationships can be equally difficult to navigate through since there may not be a normal baseline upon which to build a foundation upon. Things are seen through a skewed perception, and if the mindset is not changed, or the person doesn’t think that they have to change, nothing may change including the relationship.
So how do you navigate through? How do you help yourself?
If you know that you have a tendency to push others away or sabotage relationships, it’s a start. You need to identify the reason behind your behavior and ask for healing from God. You need to bury the past and renew your thinking in order to have a brighter tomorrow.
While it appears to be easier said than done, we do serve a mighty God whose grace, mercy and strength will guide us through the most painful experiences into healing. For family members who are affected, your prayers may be the most beneficial in changing the outcome. Sometimes, all you can do is pray.
Our December issue discusses what people often do to sabotage their relationship with others, and how you can identify it in yourself. We offer encouragement for family members/friends and help guide them as well.
We will teach you how to bury the past, deal with the pain, receive your healing, and restore relationships in your life. History doesn’t have to repeat itself. God designed you for victory in all areas, and success in relationships. NOTHING is too big or too hard for God.
Our December issue comes out on November 26, 2019.