The type of person you attract depends on how You view yourself, and What you want
The world’s portrait of dating is that you “shop around”, and if we are truthful, sleep around. Yet, no one ever tells many single people why this ideology is flawed, and why they can’t find a fulfilling relationship.
Fulfilling relationships are based partly on your self-image, partly what you think you deserve, and on biblical principles. Single women are told that they should be strong, confident and successful- all admirable qualities. She should be independent, and able to take care of herself. So far, so good. But many of today’s women are marginalizing men… something that men did to women long ago.
Long ago, women were seen as promiscuous (biblically accurate for any gender), if they slept around. Yet today’s liberated women thinks nothing of hook ups, friends with benefits, and one-night stands. They are okay because she is confident that her worth is not placed within the value of another’s eyes.
Many women believe that they really don’t need men for much except creating babies. There are women who devalue their husband, and take away his rightful place as the spiritual head of the household. Men are often trivialized by women, and some women treat men as mere trinkets. Yet no one dare treat her this way!
Sorry, but in all fairness, it’s a bit of hypocrisy to expect to be treated like a queen while you treat the king like a pauper. We should strive for equality- not payback.
Men aren’t innocent either, although many are confused. The roles such as opening doors for women, giving her gifts, paying for meals, etc…. you know, chivalry, have become unclear for many men. They want to treat a women well, but there are those that just won’t have it. They see it as they are being treated like a weaker sex from someone that just wants to treat her like a queen.
There are men who are just “dogs”. But there are women that are just as bad.
So how do we end up with what we don’t want in relationships?
I would ask you, “What do you think personally you are worth?”. Hook ups and such are glamorized, but in reality are unsatisfying. You give a little piece of yourself every time you have sex no matter what you have to tell yourself. In order to have sex, there needs to be an attraction. You can say that physical attraction is enough, but I’ve known people who are attractive on the outside, but ugly on the inside.
You have to realize that you are more than just casual sex, and that you deserve more. Not only is casual sex not biblical, but it’s not biblical for a reason.
Casual sex not only creates soul ties that must be broken (again, the piece of you deal), but when you look back years later, you will realize that the other person was using you just as much as you were using them. It trivializes the entire deal because of the view that the encounter was truly meaningless, and the person themselves really had no great value. If they did, a relationship would have been formed.
You come to the realization that you more or less devalued yourself, because you are worth so much more.
The problem is that most of our relationships are kept on a surface level. We open up, but only to a point. Most of us fear rejection, some don’t know how to connect on a deeper level yet want to be loved, and others fear commitment. There are those who have trust issues as well.
Yet, we all want to be loved. But you can’t feel loved if you don’t let it in- if no one can get close to you because of walls you put up. If you don’t open up and become vulnerable, you may be losing out on the greatest feeling in the world. And even though pain sucks, so does living a life feeling unloved, or worse yet, not knowing what it feels like to be loved.
Andrea Marino discusses why many of our relationships are indeed superfluous, and how to tell if you are keeping people at a distance. She will go into how you can tell if you are in a superficial relationship, what you should be looking for in a spouse (and on your way to that fulfilling relationship), and how to go deeper- without fear.
Beloved, God wants you to know that you have worth, and are worth far more that what you are allowing yourself to experience. We are depriving ourselves of someone good- godly- for something that will only destroy us. For what? Not to feel emotional pain? But you won’t feel love either. To avoid rejection? You will never feel like you belong, loved, or experience the closeness of intimacy. Most people in this category just feel lonely.
But there is wholeness just around the corner, and it involves changing your perspective.
This feature and more in our next issue of Faith Filled Family Magazine coming out on August 27, 2019!