“I can open my own door, thank you very much!”
The man looks at his date completely bewildered. He wasn’t anticipating such a negative reaction. Isn’t holding a door open for a lady a gentlemanly thing to do?
When did it become so controversial?
The woman illustrated above reacts this way because she feels that she can open her own door. She believes that being a woman doesn’t limit what she can, or cannot do. A simple gesture of chivalry, to her, says that she is of a weaker sex. This just makes her angry. She can do anything a man can do… and better!
Her date is confused. He was taught that you treat a lady like a lady. It isn’t about weakness, it’s about respect. He was raised to treat women like a queen, so this reaction really shocks him. He is left stymied by her reaction, and doesn’t know what to do. It feels as if he has made the world’s biggest faux pas.
Acts of chivalry are either viewed as old-fashioned, chauvinistic, or both. Women’s liberation is supposed to generate equality between the sexes- not superiority/inferiority. In some places, it’s preached to such an extreme that women believe that they don’t need a man- and don’t want one.
In its extreme case, women view men with disdain. All they are good for are “sperm donors”. These women tout that they don’t need a man to make them happy. And no, we should see a relationship as necessary to being whole as a person. We should be whole through Christ. If we depend on another to bring us happiness, their shortcomings will discourage us. But this is a very harsh view to take on an entire gender.
If a man says that a woman’s place is barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen, he’s a “pig”. Yet, if a woman says all a man is good for is donating sperm, she’s celebrated. Same disdain, different gender.
Long ago, men held open doors for their “best girl”. It wasn’t just restaurant doors, but car doors as well. He paid for her meal and took her out to the movies. Meeting her parents was expected.
Parents were addressed as “sir” and “ma’am”. A hearty handshake defined a man as did his word. There was certain politeness that was expected. Men were expected to protect a woman- to take care of her- and to cherish her. Men that didn’t do so were treated as unworthy of dating any respectable girl, and most dads forbade the relationship.
He was deemed as unworthy of dating the father’s daughter because she was worthy of respect.
Nothing inherently chauvinistic about that. In fact, if you look at it, it’s biblical.
Now, telling a woman that her place is “barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen” is chauvinistic. It may undermine God’s plan and purpose for her life. It says that is all a woman is good for… but that’s not what God says.
In comes women’s liberation which is designed to create equality between the sexes. “Equal pay for equal work”. Women’s liberation piggybacked off of the suffragette movement giving women the right to vote. Women wanted to have a say in their futures. They want to be as more than just wives, mothers, and home-makers. Women wanted to use their gifts and talents to contribute to the workforce. They want equal pay for equal work. It was only fair.
And for the most part, they won. Women are a valuable asset to society and come with a unique perspective. They should be able to use the gifts and talents that God gave them to fulfill their destinies.
We took it too far…
To balance out an injustice, women tried to take back power aggressively. Women’s Liberation wasn’t meant to make women superior to men, it was designed to level the playing field. It was to ensure that gender discrimination didn’t occur. But we took things too far.
Women are taught that anything a man can do, they can do better. They will stomp on a man if he stands in her way to success. In their minds, men are the oppressors. Men keep them down. They don’t want a woman to succeed. It’s hard to succeed as a woman because men don’t see them as equals. No man has a right to dictate what a woman does with her body.
Yet no one has ever asked the question of whether this is still true in today’s society.
So getting back to dating…
Men are confused. They are so worried about offending a woman, that they remain passive. They think that they should be chivalrous, but they are scared to be. Many are scared to be the spiritual head of their homes. They become secondary to women. Then, the trouble really starts in the relationship.
What’s a man to do?
Hephzibah Frances discusses biblically how a man is to treat a woman, and why she should let him. Hephzibah illustrates what type of man would treat his lady like a queen, and how this indeed leads to happiness- not quarrelling.
For some, this article may challenge your ideas of fairness between the sexes. However, if you want a biblical man who will make you happy all the days of your life, you may want to pay attention. There is wisdom in these words.
This feature and more on marriage, dating, and parenting in an upside down world is coming out in our October issue on September 28, 2020.