If asked, most spouses would claim that they are working hard to provide a better life for their families. They work long hours. They come home exhausted only to go to sleep and begin the entire cycle all over again. “But it’s worth it!” They claim.
But is is?
The Workaholic Versus the Provider: What’s The Difference?
The heart is by and large the difference. Many couples/spouses work hard to provide for their families. They do whatever it takes to reach their goals, and are dedicated to financial success or maintaining a certain standard. Some providers work hard to do just that: provide. Their goal is to have bills paid, mortgages paid, to live in a nice area, to send their children to a nice school, and have a few extras. They may work overtime to pay off debt as well.
Those are the providers.
The workaholic is a bit of a different person, but with many of the same characteristics. While the workaholic claims that their main motivating factor is providing a better life for their family, most of the time it really isn’t. People who are true workaholics work because they love working, love power, love money, position, status, or to avoid conflicts at home.
The workaholic is more me centered, as opposed to the provider with is more we centered. The workaholic you can spot a mile away. They are often absent for recitals, athletic events, major events such as graduations, and specific family events. They can’t seem to leave the office, or turn off work. Family is not their number one priority- work it.
They often have excuses, and are remorseful, but it’s not enough to change the behaviour. Work comes first, and it’s very evident.
So How Do You Deal With It?
It’s hard on spouses because you feel the disappointment of the children when promises are made and broken yet again. You make excuses or put a positive spin on things, but you feel the heartbreak of being let down yet again. A part of you is angry that you are in this situation to begin with, and another is jealous of the other “mistress” in the situation- the work that he/she constantly runs to.
In addition to dealing with the kids, the spouse ends up wondering why their partner keeps running away from them. They wonder if the absenteeism isn’t due to the fact that they aren’t in love with them anymore, or there is something wrong, or perhaps there is a mistress they are running to. All these thoughts play in their head as they wonder why their spouse keeps leaving them. Is there another reason?
The issue, often at the core, in an inability to balance priorities, or to even see the order of priorities. Shanta Chester will discuss what to do with the workaholic spouse to get their attention, and their heart back home without it evolving into a bad argument. She will also discuss why placing family ahead of work should be a priority, and why we are blessed as a result.
All this and more with our upcoming issue coming out on February 26, 2019.